At some point, every one envisions themselves to be the game changer for the one they are falling in love with. We yearn to be the catalyst that ignites the metamorphosis in the one we are pursuing. We hope that our sentiment will spark an awakening- in which the one we are pursuing will make us theirs.
On a grounded level, these intentions and feelings are very genuine that simply desire reciprocation. On the surface level, they are denoted as “projects,” where it becomes a mission to complete. This project is actually a challenge; where there is strive for an attainment. Unfortunately, the challenge aspect of it is consumed through the idea of finding avenues to build upon someone’s disposition- making them or even yourself mold in order for the relationship to unfold.
Many of us don’t even realize what we are fighting for- whether it is truly because we are in love with the person or perhaps it is because we are obsessed with the idea of having what we cannot have. The conceptualization behind this obsession is this: we believe nothing is insurmountable. This is where the notion of “project” comes in- where there are fixations and push for habitual transformations to try to gain what is not meant to be.
People or ourselves should never be perceived as projects. This perception is the causation behind devastation, destruction, and dismantled relationships. No one is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Rather, the ideology is that we are perfect for someone else as we are, and that someone else is perfect for us as they are.
Here is the fundamental checklist of knowing if you are falling in love with someone versus acquiring the role in this project:
1. You allow the nature of time to do its course vs. You race with time in hopes of speed compensating for outcome between you two.
2. You let him/her deal with their problems independently vs. You take ownership of his/her problems and navigate through solutions.
3. You are accepting and encouraging of his/her vision of the future vs. You are manipulating the future with what you want with him/her.
4. You seek happiness through his/her happiness vs. You find happiness with the idea of you two being together.
5. You are becoming a stronger and more empowered individual vs. You are unraveling eerie sides of you that are not actually you.
Truth is, you can’t be the game changer if they are not ready. So don’t make it a project or challenge to accomplish. Love for the sake of loving, and that will be the only game changer.