Dating

Breaking Up is Hard to Do: 5 Things Stopping Us From Moving On

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Alexa Tanney
Written by Alexa Tanney

Whenever we go through life’s path, we’re faced with the ups and downs that will be thrown at us throughout our journey. The trials and the triumphs that along the road from adolescence to adulthood we’ll inevitably have to face at one point or another. The scariest of them all? The bad break-up.

What is it about breaking up with someone we love that is so traumatic to us? The heart wrenching pain that we feel, as if someone took a knife and stabbed us in the chest? Or maybe it’s waking up and not having that special person to say good morning to. The time when you get the news that you got the job you were pining over, and can’t call them to tell them your great news.

What it all comes down to is one universal issue: change.

As humans, sometimes, we find it hard to deal with big changes. We become so comfortable in a routine, especially one that involves another person that it becomes increasingly difficult to let go once that flame burns out.

I’ve witnessed so many people staying in relationships that were unhealthy or so visibly over to the outside eye in fear of having to make major changes in their lives. Hell, I’ve even stayed in relationships and friendships far too long because I didn’t want to deal with the inevitable reality of changing my life around.

Of course, it is hard for anybody to just pick up the pieces of a life you built with somebody else and start all over and move on. But, it’s one of those things that makes you stronger as a person and creates new insight for your future relationships. When you end a relationship that just isn’t working out for you any longer, you realize exactly why it isn’t, and can then use this as insight for your future.

Yet, in these situations of inevitable change, we often times become our own worst enemy. We place ourselves in routines of actions and habits that ultimately do us more harm than good and prevent us from moving on from this person and situation in our lives to become better and stronger people.

Here’s why:

1) We constantly check their social media:

In today’s day and age, it’s inevitably harder to move on from someone when you’re constantly bombarded with their life and ongoings without you on your newsfeed all the time. It’ll be your first instinct to click on their profile and carefully scroll for hours. But, It’s unhealthy. It’s unhealthy for you to continuously check their accounts to find out where they are and what they’re doing, especially who they’re doing it with. The reality is, that this portion of your life is over, there’s no use in re-watching a movie that you just didn’t like. Mute their account, or block them all together. I say this all the time to people, there is nothing wrong with blocking someone online. If someone gets offended by it, that says more about them than you. If it’s ultimately going to be better for you to not see their stuff at all, go and do it. It’s time we take back our happiness and annex those who hinder it.

2) We talk about the breakup constantly:

Talking about the breakup isn’t going to reverse what happened. Sure, it may make you feel better to get some sympathy from others to ease your pain. Sure, it may help to hear other people’s perspective on it. However, eventually, it’s also like beating a dead horse. When you talk about situations and things, you keep that situation alive, you give it life. The more you talk about the breakup, the more you give the pain and burden inside of you life. It’s important to know when enough is enough and when the path to pain ends and the path to healing starts.

3) We can’t stop overthinking:

The worst thing you can do after a relationship ends is overthink everything that has happened. When you do this, you’re only hurting yourself. Do not waste your time going over text messages from the past, trying to figure out “what went wrong,”-delete them. Delete the pictures and the texts, throw away the letters and the memories. If it helps, burn them. There is no reason to keep memories in a box if those memories are both painful and irrelevant to your future and success. They’re in the past for a reason, leave them there. Along with the pain. You’ll never be able to move on if you’re so stuck in the bubble of the past. Let bygones be gone.

4) We think moving on means moving under someone new:

Everyone loves a good rebound, the hookup or short-term relationship that brings us that sentimental, warm, fuzzy feeling inside that we use to get from our significant other. We’re so desperate for affection right after a bad breakup that we throw ourselves onto someone new. Truth be told, rebounds actually hurt us rather than help us. Why? Because we’re not growing as a person. It’s so hard for us as individuals to break the routine of being in a relationship, by throwing yourself immediately into something of similar sorts, you’re not able to mature and learn how to be alone, with just yourself. It’s so important and vital for human existence to learn to not rely on someone else for our happiness and validation, to be comfortable and happy being alone. If you never try, you’ll never know. And if you never know, you’ll never learn.

5) We’re constantly comparing ourselves to others:

No two people are alike. There are 7 billion people in this world and no two are identical. This means no two relationships will ever be alike. This also means, no two breakups will be alike. Sometimes, things seem worse than they actually are when you look around and start seeing other couples happy and loving and start to wonder, ‘Why couldn’t we be like them?’ Stop yourself immediately. Everything in life comes just when you need it and leaves just when it needs to. It may not seem like it right this very moment, but eventually, you’ll mature and realize exactly why the relationship had to end when it did and why it did, and why it would have never worked out in the long run anyway. Celebrate for your friends in relationships, don’t be bitter over their happiness, instead, work on yourself. Work on your self-love. No one can love you the right way until you love you the right way.

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