50 Shades of Cray

Brittany Waller
Written by Brittany Waller

Apparently, every girl has an inner crazy. I never knew this. I always thought it was something you opted into. A box you ticked. Like religion, or politics, or sex on the first date. That was until Thursday. Until alcohol. Until tequila partnered with my phone and forgot to inform my reputation they were about to push it off a very steep cliff. Until 8 messages to a boy I don’t remember sending. Until here I am drowning in a sea of blue texts whilst I deep dive for my dignity. Until …. crazy.

Was it that bad? Let me entertain your inner cray cray for a minnie. Just relax. Let your sexy hair down. Now have 3 bottles of wine and some espresso martinis at your fave bar. Request Alicia Keys’ ‘This Girl is on Fire’ to a guy that’s a part time DJ, part time accountant. Dance sort of sexily with your girlfriends like you don’t even care who’s watching because you are just sohhh fun. Make sure the guy you’re interested in is watching. Laugh a lot and loudly with your friends because… carefree and cocktails. Maybe talk to the bartender like you’re interested. You’re not. Follow it up with No Scrubs by TLC and some more tequila because ‘you don’t want no scrubs’ and definitely have R.E.S.P.E.C.T for yourself.

Nek morning. A parade of text messages. Lots of sick feelings. Your self esteem break dance battled it’s way into a whole new iMessage realm…. solo. You ARE that gurl. You are pretty much Beyonce and defs way ‘Crazy Right Now’. Welcome to Cray Bish Club.

So, what went down?

Text. Where did you go. Text. You need to grow up. Text. I didn’t really mean that. Text. Spelling mistake spelling mistake. Text. How good is Blue cheese?. Text. Cool wotevs. Text.Miss you. Text. That’s probalby weird #soznotsoz. Text Text Text. Crazy.

It was a big day full of feelings and pain killers and something that sounds a lot like denial. I suffered a deep sense of shame, which also felt a lot like a hangover. Sooo I did what any girl would do and asked all my gal pals to give me their cray bitch stories. From drunken cray, to stalker cray, to down-right nek level born to be cray. Instant self-esteem booster. Instantly back on top.

You’re welcome.

This gurl been playing Mario Cart cos this next level cray

This girl playing Mario Cart cos this is next level cray...

Cray Girls Gone Wild…


Cray feat. little bit scary

99 problems and a cray bish is one…

Let tequila make all the decisions

If you drink more you remember less

My money’s on absinthe

Take all the sharp things away from her…

*Anonymous posts from 50 shades of cray

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