Pop culture has lead us to believe many a thing; party girls most definitely never get hurt, “zero f***s given” is now a legitimate reason for not doing something, and if somebody likes you and hasn’t put a ring on it then you should twerk your booty ’round in some sheer black neoprene until they do.
TV, movies, sh!t we find on the interwebs and largely Netflix would also insinuate the cute kind-of-sassy funny girls that get too drunk at weddings Emma Stone always end up with the very good looking, pragmatic Ryan Gosling’s of this world.
Well, just like party girls often end up semi-naked, face down in a burrito at 6am at a Starbucks on a Sunday, so too do many funny girls end up single, watching 30 Rock re-runs while yelling “Dumplings for one” down the phone to their local Vietnamese on a Saturday night.
But, let’s be clear about the exact definition of a ‘funny girl’ in this instance. We’re not talking ‘commercial comedienne prompted by queued audience laughter types Bridget Jones diary‘, but more the witty, caustic social commentary humor that conjures unexpected hilarity. Think Tina Fey, Lena Dunham, Dorothy Parker, Fran Lebowitz, all of whom make you laugh and think at the same time and maybe even pee your pants a little. Now let’s dial it back a bit, take away the celebrity, the shine, mostly the money, till we get back to the common funny girl. Still funny, just a li’l more single, a li’l less rich.
So, if you consider yourself one of those girls that can really throw out a LOL but can’t quite catch a mate, these are some of the reasons you don’t get the guy.
1. You are intimidating.
You scare men. You make them feel inadequate. Why? Because you’re smart, which is the underlying fuel for your innate humour and apparently the worst thing to ever happen to a man’s penis. This must mean you like books and reading and other dumb dumb things that don’t involve making sandwiches with a side of sex on a daily turn around. You like challenging banter and often blur the lines between being dry and being rude. You like Amy Poehler; he likes Adam Sandler. You make jokes he doesn’t get and don’t find his particularly amusing or well executed. You prefer to watch the news than document his weekly Saturday football game via Snapchat. You leave no place for him in your life and he doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going. And as a result of this, neither do you.
2. Men are the funny ones.
Male western culture is designed to breed funny. Take the Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill manpanionship; just casually hanging out 24/7 for the “hahas.” So, you are male and you can’t even funny?… then you can’t sit with us. Us being the guys playing beer pong and chest bumping over there in the corner of the bar. Being male and funny equates to having friends and getting more chicks than your looks would otherwise allow you to. It’s guy maths and it doesn’t apply to those with ovaries. Women, ladies, girls that run the world, are not ‘expected’ to be funny. And, you are definitely not expected to be funnier than him. But you are, and worse yet you are funny in front of his friends. You are a unicorn. You are like a big plate of LOLsagne and everyone is eating you up. You make jokes at his expense and even sometimes around his family. You have gained all the laughs and he has lost all his manhood. You must go before he becomes fatally more insecure.
3. You’re just not that into him.
Not really. You probably L.O.V.E love him or are at least keen to grab a drink and maybe turn down for what. But, just as we, girls, are nurtured from a young age to be quiet, polite ladies, so too are men’s perceptions of us. You’re confident, outspoken, drawing attention with your quips and anecdotes, then surely you couldn’t be interested in him. Your slightly abrasive, push-pull conversational tone tells him you are not so keen on his face, or maybe you’re just a lesbian, as he’ll later recoil to his 300 friends on Facebook. While we might look for a certain taste of humour in men, men see humor as their special provenance from which their primitive side triumphs. It’s a communication breakdown and one you shouldn’t bother wasting time on pandering to his insecurities.
4. Triple threats are dangerous.
If you’re good looking, smart and funny, then it’s probably not just men that hate you, it’s women too. Only women hate you because they are baby makers fending off fierce competition to procreate and men hate you because you are some strange alien sent to their local cafe to make them feel wildly insufficient and maybe even a little short. Being a triple threat can be a triple fucking nightmare and a lonely existence for a woman. And in fairness, when we think of the recent wave of funny women emerging through the cracks in pop culture’s diversifying sphere, none of them are particularly gorgeous. Kristen Wiig, Sandra Bernhard, Kathy Griffin to honestly name a few. While men instantly go up with quick banter on their scale of one to hot, I’m not so sure this is transferrable to women. Men want to look after you and, more importantly, be better than you. They want you to slide into their life like mayo on their burger, fitting perfectly between the meat and the sheets. Being a triple threat makes you unapproachable and unattainable to most men, unless they themselves are one. You’re not mayo, you’re the special sauce and if they don’t get the recipe then they don’t wanna go there. So, best be looking for that unicorn or turn your womb to 250 degrees fahrenheit and ready to settle.
So, what do we make of this? Do funny girls need to tame it or just accept that some men will never actually accept them?
Personally, laughing is one of life’s greatest pleasures and the ability to ignite amusement in others is an even greater joy. So, to deny yourself that, purely for the affection of another, seems repressive and ultimately dissatisfying. Surely there’s a Chris Pratt out there for every Anna Farris.
So, keep it real. Real funny.