Dealing with the aftermath of a failed relationship is never an easy feat. Yet, often the greater challenge is actually recognizing that the relationship needs to end in the first place.
Perhaps you realize your boyfriend could treat you much better but find yourself forgiving him time and time again because you’re able to justify it in your head. You tell yourself, “it’s just a phase,” He’s just stressed out right now,” He is trying…it’s just hard for him to be nice sometimes,” ”Maybe he’s right? I’m the problem,” and so on. Too frequently women stay in a bad relationship because they convince themselves in their heads that he’s good enough. (Who hasn’t been guilty of this?)
The truth is, sometimes it is all too easy to lose yourself in the depth of the fantasy that you create around a bad boyfriend. Although, in your head you know that he’s not the best boyfriend today, in your heart you believe that he will be good for you one day. However once you surrender yourself to this illusion, you can become deluded into thinking that he’s the one. When in reality he is the one you need to get rid of.
So how do you figure out that it’s time to walk away?
If you are experiencing frequent thoughts of doubt, frustration, sadness, anger, resentment and know in your gut that the relationship is beyond repair, it is time to admit it to yourself. As hard as it may be, you have to understand that you are not in a healthy relationship no mater how complacent you have become with being treated poorly. Staying in a relationship like this will just hinder your ability to grow and move forward in life, which will eventually be a great source of unhappiness for you.
There are many reason’s we hold onto relationship’s beyond their expiration date from comfort to fear but the longer we hold onto something that isn’t working the worse it is for everyone.
Too often, I see my friends dating men that treat them poorly and yet they hold on for hope that he will change, or because they’re too comfortable to leave or a lot of the time it is because they are afraid that they will never find anyone better to date. Yet the majority of the time, this fear that they experience is just stemming from insecurity. An insecurity that can be healed once you begin to focus loving energy onto yourself and start doing things for yourself that feed your soul- investing your time in hobbies, passions, family, friendships and personal interests is the only way to overcome the crippling insecurity that keeps you glued to a failed relationship. Unfortunately though, you may not be capable of this healing, until you’re on your own again and have the time and energy to focus on yourself guilt free.
It is only once you let go, that you will experience a certain lightness and freedom that would never have been possible while staying in a failed relationship. You may believe that it is harder to walk away unhappy than to stay unhappy with someone else but that is the wrong way of looking at it. Carrying the weight of an expired relationship is far heavier than the weight of letting go.