My journey to recovery has been full of ups and downs, steps forward and falls back. There have been times where I have been convinced that I have been making progress, only to realise that I have actually been in denial. There were parts of myself and my past that I had told myself I had accepted, but the problem was, I didn’t feel it. I hadn’t allowed myself to fully surrender to acceptance, still blaming others for the way I was feeling and acting.
It is hard to accept that your reactions are not down to the people involved, but more to do with yourself. Often it can be related to fears; fears of rejection, being shamed and feeling inferior. Instead of accepting a simple compliment, I would convince myself that I was being tricked, or the complimenter felt sorry for me; this has created barriers in my closest relationships, blocking my path to true happiness.
By taking a step back from situations, and briefly assessing my feelings, I have been able to accept them as my own, without casting blame onto anyone else. It can be extremely difficult to experience distressing emotions, that come from nowhere, without judging them. But judging them as bad or stupid, only creates more distress, feeding the negative emotions and creating a vicious cycle of negativity and frustration. Instead of rejecting or judging your emotions, embracing them as who you are can take you one step closer to acceptance, and can lead you onto the path to happiness.