I’m sick of the stereotype that girls like the “bad boy.” Yeah, I liked a bit of a bad boy when I was 18 … and stupid. Fine, even when I was 25 … and stupid. But as I grow older, become less stupid, and responsibilities weigh me down more, the energy left to deal with drama or the drive to “fix” him becomes slim to nil, thus the reason I have absolutely no interest in the bad boy any longer. And here’s the thing, most of the girls you really want to be with don’t either.
Want to know why? Because most of us try to class up as we get older, and there is nothing more pathetic than an aging player. He quickly goes from being “that guy” (insert lick lip) to “THAT guy” (insert wince).
But nice guys don’t see or believe that, and I don’t blame you. Most of us don’t have the ability to see the future (that’s me being sarcastic … no one does) so we see the bad boy get immediate gain and don’t see the long-term pain. I assure you, though, for these reasons, and more, the dark horse will end up in the shadows and you real Prince Charming’s out there will prevail:
1.) He’s a Snore
In other words, a one-note song. The bad boy’s got all this angst, he’s mysterious, he’s edgy, he gives the girl just enough, but that’s all he does…because he’s never cultivated a real personality. I’ve been with this guy and I’ll tell you one thing, he’s the definition of one-dimensional and a straight-up bore and as we mature, those half-things don’t satisfy us. Women might be intrigued with trying to decode the bad boy for the first little while, but a good woman will dust her shoulders of him pretty fast because she’d like to stay awake through life.
This is the time you nice guys come in and show your depth of character, show you understand that confidence isn’t found in attention-seeking and control (bad boys are innately insecure control freaks who want to lead the relationship at their pace and need to feel wanted at all times), but in knowing who you are, being a man of integrity and poise, one who has the courage to maintain an equal partnership.
2.) He’s Selfish
You get what you give in Life, and bad boys aren’t capable of giving, let alone thinking outside of themselves. But she might not see that right away. As a result, the chase to “help him” see the other side will ensue to no avail; he’ll always be out of her grasp. Eventually, the smart girl you want to be with will do what a smart guy who gets tangled up with a girl who plays too hard to get does – leave their broke ass in exchange for their self-respect. The good, smart girl will see her own worth and realize that the right guy will never take her for granted.
She’ll then wake up to the nice guy. i.e. you. The one who respects her and gives to her because he wants to; you think one step ahead because her happiness means your happiness, and you know she’s a catch who will reciprocate.
3.) Like Attracts Like
Remember, a good relationship is a melding of two individuals on similar physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual levels. It’s science. We often talk about getting good or bad “vibes” from someone. That is usually the vibrational frequency we emit on a spiritual plane. e.g. it’s hard to be around someone who is “feeling low” all the time, right? It’s because you’re actually vibin’ at different levels and our spirit can only take so much.
The bad boy’s got a lot of issues he hasn’t yet worked out. Clearly. This puts him on a lower vibrational plane than the good girl, who has her s*** together. So, while she’ll tolerate him for a while, she’ll soon realize the bad boy is, literally, pulling her down to his level. At that point she’ll have to shake off her lower counterpart because the relationship will no longer by symbiotic. In the end, bad boy will have to find someone at his level.
Which brings me to this scenario: bad boy with super hot girl. Makes us go, “What the f***, I know that guy is an a**hole and he gets her.” What we don’t know is that she might be as psycho, insecure and incomplete of a human as he is.
And even if she’s not psycho, she clearly has low self-esteem like he does (which is why he’s out there self-satisfying at every turn). What you think is the meal is actually the leftovers because that girl was fine being an option, as opposed to the girl you got because she knew she deserved to be a priority. So don’t do a damn thing. Let the bad boy be his foolish self and scientifically push your girl into your arms.
4.) His Conscience Will Eat at Him
He might have money, the girl, the job, but ultimately he’s unhappy, and what you don’t know is the pain he is suffering on the inside because slimy people can hide themselves from the world, but can never hide from themselves. It is when they are alone and have to look in the mirror that they are faced with their own worst enemy.
So instead of giving him so much clout, give him a little sympathy. He’s a sad, sad kid who needs constant reinforcement. Not like you. You’re a man who knows his worth and can go to sleep with a clean conscience.
5.) It’s Karma
There’s a misconception about karma. It’s not punishment, nor is it a reward. What I love about karma is that it is completely neutral and the spiritual concept can be explained very scientifically: every action has an equal, and opposite, reaction. When the scales of balance have been tipped too far in any direction, the laws of science and the Universe do what they have to to regain equilibrium.
I once knew a truly evil man. He was filthy rich and it seemed like he had it all. Later, I learned that he was battling multiple diseases at once; he was suffering in his own way. And no one cared when he died.
Now I am in no way insinuating a bad boy is evil, but when people act in shitty ways, they force the laws of science and karma to balance the scales.
So be you. Be a good person, think of others, be kind, compassionate, funny, vulnerable, endearing like you are. When her room goes dark because of the bad boy, be the light bulb that casts away her shadows. Trust that the Laws of Attraction are on your side.
Oh, and thank the fool because if it weren’t for him, the girl of your dreams might have a softer grip. But now? Oh, she’s never letting you go.